


i need to be alone.

by jsiung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depression, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, all other members are mentioned - Freeform, jisung is trying, this is kinda short, title is a girl in red song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22108255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jsiung/pseuds/jsiung
Summary: Jisung feels weird.
Kudos: 64





	i need to be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! long time no see,,, this is short and kinda messy but its 2am and i wanted to write something, so i did.

Jisung felt weird.

It was subtle at first, how his mood changed and how he reacted, he barely even noticed and he knew none of the others did. He brushed it off as nothing but a lack of sleep from promotions and promised himself he would start sleeping better.

But nothing changed. He had been trying his hardest to sleep well and look after himself but he still felt off. different. What was wrong with him? Why was he feeling this way? Questions like this bounced around in his head as he slowly felt himself spiral, too afraid of the answer to ask anyone for help.

||

“Jisung,” chans voice pulled him from his thoughts, “have you finished the lyrics?”

He looked down at the sheet of paper, shit.

“Uh, no, hyung,” he mumbled, “I’ve still got a line left to do.”

“Are you serious? Jisung we’ve been here all day what do you mean you aren’t done?” Chan turned to look at him, not letting Jisung say anything before continuing, “Me and Changbin are already finished, we’re just waiting for you. Do you know how that sets us back on schedules? All we seem to do is wait on you Jisung, we can’t keep doing this.”

Jisung swallowed the lump in his throat, nodding his head as he looked away from Chan, feeling the tension in the room. He took a second before responding.

“Yes hyung, I understand. I’m sorry for setting you all back, I’ll finish this quickly.” He willed the tears not to fall as he spoke, still not meeting chans eyes.

“It’s okay Sung, just,” He paused, “don’t keep doing this.” Chan said as he turned back around to face his laptop.

‘Stupid Jisung, can’t even write lyrics, holding everyone back’ He thought bitterly to himself as he tried to write.

||

Jisungs vision was blurry as he entered the living room, having stayed up all night to write songs so he wouldn’t fall behind. His mood had gotten considerably worse, it made it difficult to eat without feeling nauseous and he had stopped participating in group activities unless it was a schedule entirely. He was a shell of his old self.

The other members had noticed, of course they had, but they were worried about going to him first, fearing that he would shut them out.

“Hey, Sung!” Felix called over, hoping to talk to the boy. 

Jisung just gave a curt nod and continued to the kitchen, not giving a second glance to the group, everyones faces crumbling at the reaction. The once loud living room turning silent as the watched jisung slowly retreat back to his room with a water bottle.

||

It was when Chan found Jisung huddled up in their studio at 2am when he decided to finally talk to him, slowly closing the door as he made his way over to the boy. He sat next to Jisung and gently put his hand on his shoulder, taking Jisung by surprise, the younger taking out his earbuds to turn to Chan.

“Hey Sung, you okay?” He already knew the answer.

‘I’m fine hyung,” Bullshit, “Why are you here?”

“Jisung, I think we need to talk,” Chan had been planning to continue before Jisung interrupted him, a frenzied look in his eyes as he shook.

“I'm sorry hyung, I’m sorry please I promise I’ll catch up and finish everything, I didn’t mean to hold you all back please I’m so sorry.” Jisung cried out as he looked at Chan, tears rolling down his face.

Chan was shocked to say the least, what was Jisung talking about? He didn’t have time to think about that as he pulled the boy into him, his arms wrapping tightly around the younger as he rocked them gently. He continued this, whispering reassuring words into Jisungs ear until he felt the younger calm down, he pulled back slowly as he ran his fingers through his hair softly.

“Hey Sung, baby, Its okay, you’re okay,” he wiped Jisungs tears away, “can we talk about this, angel?”

Jisung paused for a minute before nodding, sighing as he moved into a more comfortable position facing chan, still holding his hands.

“i, i don't feel right hyung. i keep holding everyone back and i’m not good enough to be in this group, i just can do anything good enough. i’m not enough.” Fresh tears fell from his eyes.

Chan let his words set in, realisation hitting him like a truck.

“Sungie of course you’re enough, if this is about what I said in the studio last month I am so, so sorry baby I never meant it like that. There is no excuse for what I said to you and I will do everything I can to make it up to you, I promise.” Chan grasped Jisungs hands tighter, rubbing his thumbs of the boys knuckles.

“No hyung I, Its not that, I started feeling like this a while ago, maybe that spurred it on but it didn’t start it,” He paused to take a shaky breath, “I feel, empty? like nothing really matters anymore, I cant eat I cant sleepy, I don’t want to be around other people but isolation makes it worse. I don’t know whats wrong with me hyung, why cant I just be normal?”

Chan moved and pulled Jisung into his lap, hugging him tightly again as he held back his own tears.

“Its okay Sung, we’ll work this out okay? we’ll help you, I promise.”

||

It was slow at first, everyone trying to help but nothing really landing. Jisung had went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression, this made it easier to try and come up with solutions, it was rocky but it was a start.

It took jisung a month to start eating properly again and two weeks after that to get a good sleep schedule again. Everyone was so proud of him, congratulating him and praising him, Jisung glowed under the compliments.

It was still hard for jisung to be able to participate in schedules and group activities but the company was understanding, helping him to get through what he could and giving him time off if he couldn’t do it. At first it made Jisung feel horrible, not doing schedules made him feel like he was disappointing everyone and making the members lives harder, Felix and Hyunjin made sure to put a stop to these feelings once he told them, pampering him all night long.

He was getting better, becoming the old him again.

Jisung didn’t feel so weird anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh it feels good to be writing again, maybe ill post more if i have the energy.
> 
> thank you for reading :3 comments and kudos always appreciated <33


End file.
